


Years Gone By

by xx_saltandburn_xx



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drinking, Eventual Smut, F/M, Public-ish Sex, Slightly Dom!Sam, Smut, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-26
Updated: 2015-08-25
Packaged: 2018-04-17 07:29:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4657890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xx_saltandburn_xx/pseuds/xx_saltandburn_xx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You were the love of Sam Winchester's life at Stanford, by something happened that took you away from him. Now, years later on a hunt, you run into none other than Sam. What happens when the two of you reconnect?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sitting at the large oak table, you were mindlessly tapping your pencil on top of your notebook.

Tap. Tap. Tap. 

This lasted for several minutes. Or at least, you thought it was several minutes. You couldn’t really tell anymore. Joined by your friend Sam, the two of you were studying for an upcoming test in your Criminal Justice class. It was early autumn, school had just started, and you peered at the flannel clad guy across from you. Mmm… Sam Winchester. You smiled to yourself, reflecting on how he wasn’t just a friend. In fact, the two of you had been seeing each other steadily, albeit not seriously, for a while now. You weren’t the kind of girl to get too attached to someone, and although Sam gave you grief about it every now and then, you often suspected that even though he claimed to like the responsibility, you thought that was only on the surface. Deep down, you knew that he didn’t want the commitment any more than you did.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

‘Y/N…’ said a hushed voice, supplemented with a hint of amusement.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

You had begun to daydream, no longer thinking of the complicated matters of the judicial system, but rather of Sam’s big hands frantically grabbing at your body, his low voice rasping your name in your ear. His soft lips finding a home whenever they landed.

‘Y/N… Y/N…,’ he chanted, before exclaiming loudly, ‘Y/N!’

It wasn’t until his large hand was on top of your forearm, jarring you from your thoughts, that you stopped tapping your pencil and realized how annoying you must have been for him.

‘I’m so sorry, Sam. I must have started daydreaming again. I can’t take much more of this studying crap. My brain is going to turn to mush.’ You announced, offering a rueful look.

‘It’s alright, really. Just, no more tapping, okay?’ His entire face softened when he spoke to you, something that you really adored about him. ‘I am curious though,’ he started, ‘what it is you were so fascinated?’

You had a good poker face, but sometimes Sam could make it crack. You blushed a lovely shade of pink, feeling a slight warmth pooling in your core.

_Shit._

This was the last thing you wanted. You didn’t need Sam to know you were daydreaming about your bodies becoming a giant mess of sweaty limbs, a chorus of moans serenading you.

Right?

Taking a deep breath, you purred, ‘Sam, I was thinking about how incredible you feel when you fuck me.’

He choked on the very air he was breathing. He shifted in his seat and you flashed him a wolfish smile.

‘I was thinking that I no longer want to study such boring material when I have you just mere inches away from me. I was thinking that I love the way your cock fills me up more than I thought I could handle. I was thinking that after you fuck me with everything you got, I cum so much that you can barely stay inside my pussy because it’s so slick.’

His smoky hazel eyes were slowly becoming overcome with lust and his expression became pained; the fact that he had let go of your forearm and began to palm his erection through his jeans didn’t escape your notice, either.

It was time to go in for the kill, then.

‘Do you know what I really love the most, baby?’ You crooned.

‘Y/N, no. Not here.’ A desperate plea. ‘Don’t answer that.’ His eyes were warning you not to go there.

You sensually rose from your chair, leaning over to whisper in his ear, ‘I love licking your cock dry once we’re done. The salty taste of your cum mixed with the tangy flavor of mine is,’ you inhaled sharply, ‘…simply intoxicating.’

You nipped at his earlobe softly, watching his entire frame explode into a full body tremor.

Sam growled, just loud enough for you to hear him, as he grabbed you forcefully around the wrist and pulled you away from the table, leaving your study materials behind. It was a library, after all; this wasn’t a place where you generally had to consider theft, thankfully.

Chuckling softly, you knew you were in for it. You knew from personal experience that once Sam Winchester had his sights set on you, you were done for.

And by God, if you didn’t cum just at the notion alone.

Sam continued pulling you behind him, so quickly that you had to briskly trot just to keep up with the man. He turned a corner so swiftly that he didn’t notice one of the library’s workers putting a stack of books back on the shelf. You didn’t have enough time to stop once you realized Sam had stopped moving, so you only came to a halt by colliding into him.

‘Sam, what the…’ You began to say as you peered around his shoulder. All you could really see was a mess of long blonde curls. Sam was yet to say anything, so you piped up, ‘I’m so sorry,’ you read the name tag that was pinned to her shoulder, ‘Jess, my friend doesn’t always look both ways before crossing. Please excuse us.’ You tried to keep a straight face.

You failed.

With a scathing glare, she replied, ‘obviously not. Just try to be a little more careful and a little quieter next time, please?’

‘Yes. Okay.’ Sam retorted before you had a chance to answer her, and like that, you were off on the hunt again looking for a secluded spot. Two rights and a left later, you found yourselves alone in the botany section. Sam whipped you around and pushed you into the shelves. He lips immediately attacked your neck, your head moving to the side to give him better access to your sweet spot. His teeth grazed your skin, nipping and sucking as he left a trail of love bites in his wake. Your body reacted by arching into his lean physique and wrapping your arms around his neck. His hands shifted down to just under your ass, hoisting you up higher. Your legs snaked around his waist and you moaned of the sensation of the books cutting into your back. Sam was able to deftly balance your weight while unbuttoning your jeans. You could feel him grinning into your breasts and you entwined your fingers through his hair, gently tugging on it.

‘S-Sam…’ you mewled.

He immediately plunged two fingers into your damp sex, not wanting to waste a single moment. You cried out, which was swallowed up into a heated kiss, Sam’s warm tongue gaining the upper hand from yours. The battle you were losing in the kiss was nothing compared to the one that was going on below. His long digits were scissoring you so vigorously and he managed to swipe his thumb across your swollen clit, driving you to a climax. Your walls were still contracting when he pulled out of you, causing your breath to hitch. You tried regaining control over your body, but doing so when you had so much pleasure surging through you was difficult, to say the least.

He looked at you with hooded eyes, but you could see how feral he had become.

‘Did you really think you could provoke me like, Y/N? Without any sort of consequence?’ Sam demanded.

As you parted your lips to voice a reply, he pushed his fingers into your mouth, provoking you to taste your own juices. Your eyes rolled into the back of your head briefly, you loved it when Sam showed his dominant side. He was of course a gentle man, but he always knew how and when to really rev your engine.

He groaned in approval as your tongue swirled around his fingers, making sure to lap up your essence.

‘That’s it, baby. I want you to know how you taste.’ Sam said low and gravelly, coaxing you out of your hedonistic taste testing.

With one of your hands still tangled in his hair, you rearranged yourself so that you were almost wedged between the book shelves and Sam’s pelvis, which caused a few of the books to tumble over onto the floor. You rolled your hips as best you could into his, prodding his massive arousal into the apex of your center. With your other hand, you firmly grasped onto his hand and slowly licked his fingers, from his palm all the way to the tip.

Two could play at this game and you were no novice.

Lust gleaming in your eyes, you began to rock up and down on his body. ‘Sam, don’t play with me. I need you to fuck my pussy. Now.’

His hands released their hold on you, causing you to land on the ground, knees buckling a little during the landing. You looked up at Sam, who had already begun to descend upon your mouth once more. After reclaiming it, he moved you backwards a step so you were completely flush with the wall. His left hand grazed your hip on its way to reaching the books behind you, pulling them carelessly onto the floor. You broke the kiss first, hazy with desire for Sam to be inside you. He grabbed you by your shoulders and spun you around, pulling you against him. His erection was digging into your ass and you keened at the glorious sensation. Sam began to deliberately trace the outline of your shoulders, down your arms, past your elbows, and wound themselves down to your hips. He snapped you in half, and pushed you forward, causing your forearms and head to rest in the space that had been previously occupied by the books. You quickly stepped onto one of the books by your feet, giving you another inch or two of height, bringing your hips up so that you could be perfectly aligned with Sam’s groin. He shimmied your jeans and panties over the curve of your ass and down to your ankle, helping you slide one leg out, allowing him the extra freedom between your thighs.

‘I warned you not to tease me, Y/N. But oh no, you wouldn’t listen.’ He said. You could faintly hear the sound of his zipper coming undone, as well as feel one of his hands stroking your still soaked folds, prepping you for his entrance. ‘You never do as you’re told though, and for that, you’re going to pay the price.’

Your body began to involuntarily tremble under the promise lurking underneath Sam’s words, but you didn’t have much time to ponder your punishment. Briefly you felt Sam’s tip right at the opening of your cunt, but it was gone in the blink of an eye as he buried himself to the hilt in one swift thrust.

‘FUCK! SAM! FUCK!’ You cried out, momentarily stunned by intrusion of his larger than average girth. He only gave you a moment to accommodate his size before he began to thrust into you with frenzied resolve. With his hands gripping you so roughly, you knew he was marking his territory on your body in the form of bruises.

You’d be lying if you said that didn’t spur you on more.

His hips snapped into your backside and the sound of skin against skin was almost loud enough to drown out your moaning. You seized the metal shelf so powerfully that you swore you were leaving indentations behind. He had set such a vigorous rhythm that you both knew this was meant to be a fast, powerful fuck.

‘Y/N… touch yourself… now.’ He was able to snarl out in between thrusts, and you did as you were commanded. While still keeping the bookshelf in a death grip your left hand, your right hand attended to swollen and sensitive skin of your clit. Matching Sam’s now erratic pace, you applied the right amount of pressure needed to reach your second orgasm. While your fingers went to work, you could feel Sam’s hold becoming more intense and you sensed his orgasm was imminent. A couple more thrusts and a long, low groan ripping itself from Sam’s body, you felt his release spurt warmly inside of you, which was exactly what you needed to explode with pleasure. Your higher pitched howls joined his and created a beautiful symphony.

‘What. The. HELL?’ came from a third voice, one you recognized without having to look at the face. It belonged to Jess, the girl you had ran into earlier.

Your body was still high off the last orgasm, as was Sam’s, but the both of you began to fumble around trying to salvage this mess of a situation. You yanked your panties and jeans up and Sam adjusted himself back in his own jeans and zipped up. You turned to him, pleading with your eyes to somehow make good with the furious blonde who was only a few feet away from you.

‘Jess, Jess… please. I’m sorry you found us like this, but please don’t say anything to your boss. We know we shouldn’t have done it, but we were both so stressed from cramming. Please.’ He appealed. 

Jess’ eyes bore deep into Sam, but he never backed down. After a tense minute, she spoke very clearly and said, ‘the two of you have exactly three minutes to get your shit and get out of this library. Or else.’

With that said, you both took off at a tempo that rivaled your earlier speed. You gathered the books and pads of paper while Sam grabbed your bags and you were out the door in a fit of laughter. You stopped at a bench to put everything in the bags and Sam slung his arm over your shoulder. The two of you walked back to Sam’s place, where you had a rather uneventful night… compared to your afternoon, that is. Sam had a salad for dinner, while you craved nachos. You tossed on your pajamas as you both crawled into bed, snuggling together in a state of happiness that you unknowingly wouldn’t find again for several long years.

Around 3:00am, you awoke to the sound of your phone buzzing on the nightstand. You wiped the sleep from your eyes, grabbed your phone, and silently slipped from the bed and walked into the living room to read the text.

**_NEED HELP. HUNT WENT WRONG. COME QUICKLY.  
SAN FRANCISCO. TEXT WHEN HERE._ **

Immediately, you blood ran cold and you had an internal struggle of what to do. Your sister hadn’t texted you in years and you knew she would only do it if things were really, really bad. You didn’t want to leave Sam, but you couldn’t just abandoned her. You were already back in your bedroom before you realized it. Slipping into your jeans and a flannel, you pulled your boots on and grabbed your leather jacket from the closet. You scribbled a note to Sam letting him know you were safe and that you would be back in a couple days and not to worry.

Grabbing your keys, you gave the familiar apartment one last fleeting glance and you locked the door behind you.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You meet up with your sister and things don't go to plan. It takes a toll on you and you isolate yourself from Sam. What happens when you decide to go back to him?

It was only about 45 minute drive on 101 S to San Francisco, a piece of cake drive you could make half asleep.

Which was great, since you were still half asleep.

At around 3:15am, you walked out of the apartment and towards your car. The black ’65 Mustang was a little hard to see in the dark, but thankfully you had parked near a streetlamp. Opening the door, you tossed your bag on the passenger seat and settled in behind the wheel. Even without having been driven in a while, you smiled when she turned over on the first try. You really did love this car, you couldn’t deny it. With the rumble of the engine reverberating underneath you, you took off into the night.

You got into town around 3:45am and you texted your sister to see where to meet. Immediately she replied that she was at the Century Hotel, room 113. Another ten minutes later, you took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

Willa looked as she did the last time you saw her three years ago. The same dark brown hair cut into a bob just past her chin, the same big brown eyes surrounded by too much eyeliner, and the same resting bitch face that matched yours.

You faintly smiled towards her and asked, ‘what happened?’ Walking past her and into the room, you saw newspaper clippings, a few books strewn about, and what seemed like enough clothes for two girls on the floor. Willa shut the door behind you, running her fingers through her hair.

Sighing heavily, she stated, ‘It’s a Shtriga. I’d been tailing it for like a week and finally got a good lead on it. It went after a set of twins a few nights ago, managed to put one of the girls in the hospital. The other girl ran out of the room before it got to her.’

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, you listened to her continue her story.

‘So I was at the hospital and I spoke to the other twin. Nyssa. She’s a real sweet kid, you know?’ That was when her voice started to crack. Looking her in the face, you saw the slight sheen that surrounded her brown orbs and you instantly became a big sister again, as she came and sat down on the bed next to you and cried. You cradled her in your arms, listening to her sobs. You helped her sprawl out, her head in your lap. After a few minutes, her weeping began to subside and she continued to explain what happened.

‘Nyssa and her sister Talia are very, very close. The parents said they hardly ever fought. Anyway, I got Nyssa by herself and she told me she saw what attacked Talia and that even though she wanted to help her, she still ran away and felt really bad that her sister was now sick because she was too afraid. I told her that she could still help her sister if she wanted, but she would have to be brave. I explained that the monster would probably come back to her room, but that I would be there to kill it.’ Willa’s shoulder began to shake and you could hear her voice starting to waver, but she still went on. ‘So, last night I was at the house, Nyssa let me in her window after her mom put her in bed. I was in the closet with the door cracked and a few minutes after I got there, the mom comes back in the room. She asks Nyssa is she’s doing okay without Talia there and Nyssa said yes. I kinda zoned out a bit and I realize after a beat that the room was pretty quiet and the mom never left, so I came out of the closet and it’s not the mom, Y/N! That son of a bitch Shtriga shifted into the mom and was sucking away at Nyssa! I yelled at it, causing it to stop feeding, so when I shot it with the iron buckshot, it didn’t even phase it! I swear to God it even laughed at me! It went out the window and I chased after it.’ 

Cutting her off, you spoke carefully and asked,’ Willa… what happened to Nyssa?’

That’s when the crying came back. Willa was fisting the blankets in both hands and had turned away from you, burying her face in your lap.

‘She’s in the same room as Talia now. Both of them are in a coma and it doesn’t look good at all. They’re both so sick. It’s MY fault that she’s in there! I told her I would protect her and I didn’t! She’s nine years old, Y’N! She could die because of me!’ She yelled into your leg, trying to conceal her anger. ‘Because I wasn’t doing my job, because I slacked off, that witch bitch went to town on her and drank up almost every last part that Nyssa could give. Her parents brought her into the hospital, but she was already unconscious. I have to make this right, Y/N! I have to!’

You heart broke for your sister, so you did what you used to do when you were children. You stroked her hair, trying to soothe her as best you could. She continued to cry for a few more minutes but you could feel her breathing start to even out and you watched her chest rise and fall in slow, even paces. Just as you had done with Sam, you silently slipped out from under her, and pulled her relaxed body into the middle of the bed, doing your best not to disturb her. You reached towards the head of the bed, pulling the red and white checkered comforter around her frame.

Walking to the other bed while kicking off your boots, you then fell backwards onto the uncomfortable motel mattress. Not even worrying about getting undressed, you burritoed yourself in a matching red and white checkered comforter and fell asleep before your head hit the pillow, thoughts of Sam swimming through your head.

The morning sun pierced through the tattered blinds and through your eyelids. You opened one eye and peeked at Willa, who seemed to still be snoozing. Closing your eye again, you stretched out underneath the blanket, basking in its warmth. With a slight groan, you sat up and pulled your phone out of your pocket and looked at the home screen.

**6:52am.  
4 unread text messages**

They were all from Sam, asking where you were, if you were okay, why you had left, and for you to call him.

Guilt began to eat at your insides for leaving him. You figured he was upset. Or scared. Or both.

Not bothering to put your boots back on, you got out of bed and walked outside to call Sam. The phone rang once before he picked up.

“Y/N! Where are you? Are you alright? Why the hell did you just leave in the middle of the same? He shouted at you.

‘I’m okay, baby. I’m sorry I had to leave the way I did, but… there was a family emergency. It couldn’t wait.’

‘Family emergency?’ He sounded surprised. ‘I didn’t think you talked to your family anymore.’

‘I don’t, but something happened with my sister. She needs my help with something. I’ll only be gone for a few days, hopefully. I promise.’ You tried to sound reassuring, but you weren’t sure if you were doing the trick.

‘Y/N, tell me what’s going on. Maybe I can help?’ He begged.

You ran your hand down your face, wishing you didn’t have to have this conversation with him. ‘Sam, this isn’t something you can help with. If you could, I would tell you. Just trust me that I’ll be home soon.’

He articulated his frustrations non-verbally, but then again, you knew him well enough that he didn’t have to speak at all for you to know just how unhappy he was. You tried to salvage what was left of the conversation.

‘Sam? I’ll be home soon. I promise, baby. Just do me one favor, okay?’

‘What?’ He grumbled.

‘Take some notes for me in class, okay? I don’t want to get left behind. Pre-law is not a major where you can afford to fall behind in. Hell, see if that Jess girl from the library can help you out at all.’ You baited him, hoping he would take it.

A beat passed by, then another.

Finally, he gave you a halfhearted chuckle and you relaxed a little, knowing he would forgive you for splitting on him. You’d have some making up to do, but you knew you could win him over.

‘Yeah, yeah, okay,’ he teased, ‘but don’t be mad at me if we fall madly in love with each other while you’re on this weird little trip of yours.’

‘Sam Winchester, you break my heart!’ You joked back. You could sense his smile on the end, which in turn produced one of your own. ‘But really, give me a few days of radio silence and I’m all yours. I’ll call you when I’m coming home.’

‘Alright. A few days, then you come back to me.’ His voice sobered up.

‘Deal.’

‘Okay, Y/N. I’ll see you soon.’

You made a kissing noise into your phone, then hung up. That would be the last time you would speak to Sam Winchester for several years, obviously not knowing that at the time. Maybe if you did, you would have told him what he really meant to you. Or maybe not.

Trying to go back inside as soundlessly as possible, you realized you didn’t need to do so since your sister had woken up and already had the coffee pot going.

‘Who was that?’ She asked.

‘No one. A friend.’ You responded.

She raised an eyebrow in your direction, but shrugged her shoulders and let it go. ‘So, what’s the plan, captain?’

‘Well, we’re going to track the Shtriga again and this time, we’ll catch the bitch when she’s still feeding and we’ll take her out.’ You said. ‘You had the right idea with Nyssa, you know. I’m sorry things went down the way they did… that you had to go through that. But, big sis is here now and we’ll show that witch who’s the boss, alright?’

Willa exhaled, not knowing she was holding her breath. The two of you spent the next couple hours going over her notes and sharing a pot of coffee together. You saw that the Shtriga had left a pair of siblings untouched, so you decided to go with the family who was attacked first in town. You waited until nightfall, then drove to the house. It was a small little ranch style home, easy enough to break-in to. Peering into the big bay window of the living room, you saw that the three remaining family members were sitting down for dinner. You relayed the message back to Willa, who suggested to make your move now and just wait it out in the kid’s bedroom. Even though the idea of being cramped in a children’s closet was not appealing to you by any means, you knew she was right. The two of you made your move, and jimmied the window open in the bedroom of the little boy who lived there. Willa’s jacket got caught on a rogue nail and she got stuck. You gave her a swift push on her ass and she went tumbling in. You started laughing so hard, you could barely make it through the window yourself, knowing that if you made any more noise, someone was bound to come bursting through the door and catch you. As luck would have it though, no one came in and you two stowed away inside the restricted closet. 

So you guys waited.

And waited.

And waited some more.

After the doubts came trickling in about having picked the wrong house, you heard the window creak open and a soft, whooshing noise followed. Thankfully the doors had blinders on them, so you tilted them open as quietly as you could and the adrenaline started kicking in as you watched the Shtriga go to work. You made sure your gun was ready to go with the consecrated iron rounds and when you turned towards Willa, all you saw were strands of dark brown hair as she was hurdling out of the closet.

‘Willa, NO!’ You cried out after her, but it was too late.

She went barreling towards the Albanian witch, who had stopped feeding once she heard the door fling open. Once Willa was in arm’s reach, the Shtriga threw her into the opposite wall with a horrendous thud. You began to shoot at the creature, knowing it wouldn’t do any harm to it. The two of you circled around each other, it was only a matter of time before one of you struck. Just as you were about to make your move, the parents came rushing into their son’s room.

You had completely forgotten about the child.

You yelled for the parents to stay back and thankfully, they were wise enough to listen. Willa sprung up from the floor and rolled across to the bed, obstructing the predator from her intended prey. You ran over to the bed, grabbing the young boy and tucked him into your side. You observed Willa from the corner of your eye and in that moment, you were so, so proud of the tenacious, fearless hunter your baby sister had become. But the moment was shattered as you watched the long, tapered fingers of the Shtriga wrap around her neck and lift her up. Willa tried fighting her, but it was no use. She was far too strong and far too quick for her. Once you reached the parents, you ushered all of them out of the room and to the front door, instructing them to go next door for safety. You ran back to the bedroom as fast as your legs would carry you.

Willa was lifeless in the Shtriga’s vise grip, your heart seizing in your chest as you watched the witch do her bidding. Adrenaline was pumping throughout your entire body, so you pulled back out your .45 Colt and emptied your chamber into her. She went down so fast, and in a twisted way, you were glad she was still feeding on Willa when you came back. Kicking the witch’s corpse away from Willa, you fell to her side and cradled her in your arms.

‘Y/N… Y/N…’ she was able to rasp out.

Tears started to cascade down your cheeks without your approval. You choked back your sobs, trying to conceal your fears from her.

‘It’s o-okay, Y/N. I know I’m going to die. She… she,’ Willa coughed and winced from the pain, ‘she took it all from me. I tried to fight her…’

‘Shh… shh… just rest, babygirl.’ You murmured. You brought your fingers up to her short hair and gently ran them through it. Your body betrayed you and began to shake, no matter how much you willed it not to. Gently, Willa squeezed your hand on her shoulder and you gazed down at her with a small smile on your lips.

‘At least Nyssa and Talia will be okay. The others too. We… we saved… them.’

You watched the remaining fragments of life fade from her brown eyes and felt her small frame go lax.

She was gone.

You released a gut wrenching howl from deep within your body, pulling her unresponsive body closer to yours. After a few minutes of crippling tears, your brain kicked back on and you knew you had to get her out of there. You got to your feet, cradling Willa against you. You walked straight out the front door, past the family who would be able to go on with their loved ones, and down to your Mustang. Somehow you were able to get the door open while you still embraced Willa, and you gingerly laid her down on the passenger seat. You got behind the wheel and took off, driving straight towards the little cemetery you noticed on your way over earlier. During the short drive, your mind was racing between thoughts of your dead sister next to you and of how badly you missed Sam.

You miss his floppy hair, his hazel eyes, his throaty chuckle, and the way his arms fit just so around you. You missed the sound of her voice echoing in your ears. You decided that when you saw Sam again, you were going to tell him how much you loved him and how you were finally ready for a serious commitment, if he would still have you after pulling a stunt like this.

You saw the iron gates of the cemetery on your left, so you slowed down and pulled in. Following the road as far back as it would go, you stopped at a little clearing underneath a tree. You turned off the car and went digging for your shovel in the trunk. You might have left the hunting life, but it was never truly very far. You began to dig a shallow grave for Willa’s body and after being satisfied with its depth, you tossed the shovel to the side. Carefully placing your sister down in it, you pulled the container of salt from your jacket pocket, as well as the matchbook from the motel you swiped earlier.

‘Willa, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to protect you like a big sister should. I’m sorry I let you down.’ You said aloud, hoping that Willa could still hear you. ‘I know I abandoned you before, and that will be something I carry with me for the rest of my days. But I promise you, little sister, that I will make something of my life. I’m going to make you proud of me, just as I’ve always been so proud of you. I love you, Willa Jean. Always.’

You struck the match against the rest of the book, watching the flame come alive on the tip. You lit the rest of the book up and threw it into the ground. You watched with a steely gaze as your sister’s figure became encapsulated with fire and then into nothing more than ash. You turned on your heel and come back into your car, going back to the motel. You found the whiskey that you knew Willa always carried with her and began to drink. Eventually, you passed out from the onslaught of grief and liquor.

This was a continuous trend you would carry on with for the next several weeks. You stayed in the same room, making sure to drop some cash off at the front office every Friday. Between the rent and the constant need for booze to soak up your pain, your cash supply was running out fast. The entire world passed you by and you did not give a fuck.

Sam called and texted several times a day, but you never picked up. Not once. You even stopped listening to his voicemails, deleting them seconds after he left them. They ultimately tapered off and eventually, you just stopped turning on your phone.

About two months later, right around Halloween, you pulled your shit together and decided to finally head back to Palo Alto. You showered before you left the motel for the last time; hell, you even shaved your legs and put makeup on because you wanted to look your best when you went to face Sam. You knew it was going to be difficult seeing him again, but your heart was finally ready to declare your love for that man. Driving back down the 101, you grew more and more anxious the closer you got to him. Finally, you reached the apartment. Parking was crazy that day, you figured because everyone was getting ready to be wild for Halloween. You had to park down the block, but it was a quick walk down the sidewalk. You saw Sam turn the corner and your heart practically beat its way out of your chest.

In the next beat though, it shattered into the millions of pieces you had just spent so much time putting back together.

You saw his hand entwined with another, one that belonged to a body with a mess of long, blonde curls on top. You just stood there, frozen as the scene played out in front of you.

‘Sam…’ you mouthed, just barely even audible to your own ears.

His arms, the ones you loved so much because they fit just so around you, pulled Jess in for a tight embrace; a lovers embrace. You soul was screaming, tormented with so much anguish and heartache. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, kissing her tenderly upon the lips.

You spun around, not wishing to see more. This time, no tears came from your body, as you suspected that you emptied the reservoir with Willa and your body was too broken to replenish it. You ran back to your car and just sat in it, hands at 10 and 2 on the wheel. Allowing your body the mercy of not thinking about Sam, you instead inspected the passenger seat to your right and a vision of Willa appeared, happy and smiling.

Returning her big smile with one of your own, you proclaimed to the empty seat, ‘Okay. I’ll do it. I left hunting before because it was too painful for me; but now, I think I need it to keep the pain at bay. There’s too much evil in this world and I better get started now trying to get rid of it. Screw pre-law, Willa… I was always meant to be a hunter. It’s about time I acted like one.’ 

With the roar of the Mustang’s engine coming to life, you cranked the music up, and began to drive once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come on, Sammy!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After nine long years, you finally run into Sam Winchester. How is he going to react to seeing you again? How will you react to the man that got away from you?

It had been over nine years since you left Stanford, since Willa died.

You crisscrossed the continent more times than you could remember. East coast, West coast, the Deep South, the Midwest… you had seen it all. The first few cases you caught were easy enough for you; a rare sighting of an Ōkami in Billings, Montana, a pair of Ghouls in Windom, Minnesota, and a Wraith in Ketchum, Oklahoma.

You refused to let your mind drift to thoughts of Sam or Willa. As soon as you could feel yourself getting pulled in that direction, you shut your entire body down and picked up the first bottle of Jameson you could find. Before all of this, before your heart suffered such irreparable damage, you weren’t much of a drinker. Sure, you would toss a few back now and then, but it just wasn’t your bag.

Now, though… now, you never turned away from the chance to drown yourself in the burn of a good Irish whiskey instead of drowning in a sea of emotion.

It eventually caught up to you though.

After about eight months back on the road, you were dealing with a Djinn in Joliet, Illinois. It took you a couple days to get a solid lead on it, but one night you were able to track it down to an abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of town. Keeping your distance, you crouched low behind a stack of crates off to the side. The Djinn had two females strung up and was checking their vitals, making sure he still had enough time left with them to feed. The appeared dangerously weak, but still alive. This was the time to make your move. You unsheathed your silver blade that had been dipped in lamb’s blood and twisted it slightly, the light from an overhead lamp creating a slight glimmer upon the edge. Putting it back inside the case, you carefully coiled a long silver chain around your wrist, leaving enough slack leftover to create a whip-like weapon. Locking your gaze on the Djinn, you watched his hands emit a blue glow and that was your cue to attack.

In a few short paces, you were close enough to the male humanoid creature to lash out at him with the chain. It caught around his upper body, creating a sizzling noise that elicited a hiss from the monster. He turned his gaze on you, eerie blue eyes burning. You pulled your best Indiana Jones whip snap again, but the Djinn caught it, tiled his head and smiled, and yanked on it, causing you to go tumbling onto the floor, and your silver blade to slide out of the sheath. You turned over just in time to see a heavily tattooed hand reaching out for you, but you kicked your leg into the Djinn’s nose with a resounding thud. Even through your boot, you could still feel the bones and cartilage splinter under your strength. The creature took a couple steps back, allowing you the opportunity to grab your knife, but you decided to leave it and instead go for the 2x4 that was by the two girls.

You always did have a hell of a swing, after all.

You choked up on the piece of lumber and swung for center field, connecting with the head of the Djinn. He went down like a sack of bricks, but you still hit him one more time for good measure. He seemed to be knocked out, so you grabbed the long length of chain and wrapped it around him, knotting it around his wrists, careful not to let his venomous mitts touch you.

After you felt satisfied that he was secured, you went to work on getting the two young women down. You looked around for something to stand on, deciding that a wooden crate was the best way to go. Dragging it over in front of the brunette, you cut the rope that was holding her hostage. She fell into your arms and you gently stepped down from the crate and pulled her off to the side. You repeated your actions with the redhead that was also in the same hallucinatory state. Making sure both girls were a safe distance from the Djinn, who was starting to stir, you administered a shot to each of them with an antidote you had procured from a fellow hunter who recently had a run-in with Djinn.

‘You bitch!’ The Djinn roared at you. ‘Once I’m free, I’m going to feed off you very slowly. I’m going to send you into a loop of the day Willa died. You remember that night? When you let your sister die?’ He chuckled darkly, knowing he had the advantage of being able to read your mind.

Your blood ran cold and your entire body stiffened at his loaded words.

Standing up and slowing turning around to face the beast that was thrashing about on the ground, you tried your best to keep your poker face on. With each step you took towards him, you could feel the chinks in your armor spider webbing until the whole facade broke away.

‘What. Did. You. Say. To. Me?’ You spoke with clear enunciating, making sure to emphasize your anger. 

The Djinn laughed in your face, challenging you to make a move.

To make a mistake.

‘That’s right, sweetheart. I know what happened that night. I know you let her die.’ He countered with a smug grin on his face. ‘You couldn’t even save your sister, so what makes you believe you’re going to save those two playthings of mine?’ He paused, a look of concentration appearing on his inked face. ‘Or what about dear old Sam? Yes, I think I’ll go with Sam instead. I’ll let you start off with a rush of happiness, so full of hope, only to watch you break down as you watch him kiss that girl. You’ll taste so much sweeter after that, after your heart breaks.’ 

Your vision went red and you went after the monster. You kicked wildly in his direction, not caring where the hits landed. His groin, his ribs, his kidneys, and his face all became targets. His laugh echoed in your ears and you could hear his words resonating throughout your body.

 **You let her die. You let her die. You’ll taste so much sweeter after your heart breaks.**

The monster was quick to roll into the next kick, trying to reach out to grab your leg. For a split second, you wondered if you should let him win. You thought if he could infect you with his poisonous touch, you could relive that fateful night when you had lost your sister. You thought you deserved that as a punishment for not being able to save her. The idea of having to watch Sam kiss Jess made your stomach do flips and you thought you were going to hurl from it. Somehow though, both versions of his intended prison had their individual merits, but you promised Willa you were going to do something with your life.

Becoming chow for a Djinn wasn’t what you had in mind.

With a swift movement of your own, you channeled your inner Buffy and were able to leap over the creature and tuck and roll on the ground, reaching out for your silver blade. Turning with deadly intent, you slammed the blade to the hilt in the Djinn, piercing his heart. His body convulsed from the sudden intrusion, his eyes shining a bright blue that quickly faded while the life drained from his body. A minute later and the beast was dead.

You sat there for a few minutes longer than necessary, only snapping out of the haze when one of the girls came over to you.

‘Are you okay?’ She asked lightly.

Shoulders sagged, you nodded in her direction. You pulled yourself off the floor and looked at the brunette next to you. She was a pretty girl with long hair, almond shaped eyes, and a petite body. You saw a look of relief in her eyes and you gave her a half smile in return. You helped the girls out to the Mustang and dropped them off at a nearby hospital to get checked out. They both thanked you profusely, but just as the redhead was about to get out, she paused.

‘I’m sorry to hear about your sister, but I believe she’s probably very proud of you.’ She said sincerely and the tears began to fall down your face immediately.

‘T-t-thanks’ was all you could muster in response.

With a gentle squeeze of your shoulder, she exited the car and they both walked to through the front doors of the emergency room.

You couldn’t pull of the ER bay fast enough. As soon as you got back to the motel, everything hit you at once. Willa’s death, Sam moving on and his relationship with Jess; your entire world had been flipped on its axis and you never allowed yourself a moment to process all of it. Grief, anguish, anger, self-loathing, heartache, despair, fury… they all attacked your body simultaneously. You crawled onto the bed and made sure to bring along the bottle of Jameson with you.

You stayed in bed all night, recalling moments of your childhood with Willa, like the time she was 10 and was being picked on by a bully at school. She came home crying one day and you asked her what happened and she told you that a boy in her class told her that she was ugly because she had glasses. You were so upset that some jerk kid made your baby sister feel bad, so the next day at school, you punched him so hard that he had a black eye for a week. You got suspended, but he never picked on Willa again.

Remembering your relationship with Sam was just as painful. The way he teased you about the collection of Captain America comics you kept hidden in a small chest at the foot of your bed, the smell of him after he stepped out of the shower, and how fucking ridiculous it was that you wouldn’t commit to him. Your lack of commitment didn’t stop you from believing he was it for you, though. He was the one person you wanted to spend the rest of your days with.

‘If only, right?’ You whispered to no one.

Between drinking the rest of the whiskey and your trips down memory lane, you passed out for a solid 12 hour stretch. You needed that night, needed those tears. The release was bittersweet, but cathartic and essential to help you move on. Waking up the next morning with the hangover from Hell, you realized you were finally able to help people the way you had always wanted to. You were ready to take on the world.

And take on the world you did.

Fast forward to the here and now, you found yourself in Wichita, Kansas dealing with a small nest of vamps. This particular nest only had five vamps in it, which was unusual, even by your skewed standards. There was a black haired male, who you knew was the ringleader, as well as a male with a mohawk and three other females; one of the girls acting as bait for their prey. It was a classic strategy, but you were perhaps a little brash in thinking you could take on five at once.

It was a little before sunrise when you drove the Mustang out to an old farmhouse where they were staying. You sat out in the car for a couple hours, making sure you didn’t notice any activity going on around you. After you were satisfied with a quick perimeter check, you made sure you had plenty of dead man’s blood on you and took out your machete.

You were silently sweeping through the house looking for the monsters that had caused a handful of deaths in town over the course of just a couple days. You heard one of the floorboards creak behind you, so you pulled out one of the syringes and turned around to be met head on by one of the females. She lunged after you, but you ducked and jabbed the needle into her abdomen, and she fell to the ground. You didn’t waste any time in cutting off her head. You began your search again, but you didn’t have to go far as the mohawked blood sucker and one of the girls came barging into the room. He was quick to notice his fallen sister and immediately went after you. You swung the machete out towards him, catching him just above the elbow.

He snarled at you, shouting,’ that’s my arm, you hunter bitch!’

‘My bad, darlin’. I’ll be sure to aim a little higher next time.’ You purred.

The female had charged towards you and pinned you against the wall. You tried reaching into your pocket for another syringe, but you didn’t have the room.

With no better timing in the world, the last two vamps came strolling in.

‘Well, well… look at what we have here.’ The leader spoke, voice dripping with menace. His eyes locked on yours and continued, ‘Tesla, dear, why don’t you and Adam show our guest what we like to do with the hunters who cross our path.’

Tesla bared her fangs at you, offering you her best cat that ate the canary smile. You tried to fight back, but you were no match for her. She and Adam threw you around the room like a ragdoll. They kicked you, punched you, and cut you with the machete, which produced a couple dozen shallow cuts all over your body. You could taste the blood in your mouth and you feared this would be your swan song.

You stared defiantly at Adam as he was about to deliver another nasty blow to your face, not about to give up.

Then Adam’s head was off his body.

You mouth became a gaping hole as you watched the scene play out in front of you. Two men came in, figurative guns blazing, and made quick work of the remaining vamps. The shorter of the two took out the females, while the taller with his back to you one sliced the leader’s head clean off, letting it roll just mere inches to your left.

‘Hey, you good? Can you stand?’ the shorter one asked you.

‘Yeah, I think so.’ You replied. ‘Thanks for the assist.’

The tall one turned around and you saw his face finally. You froze.

You knew him.

The hair was longer that you remembered, sure, but you knew those hazel eyes, those thin lips, the dimples. You found yourself having to shut your mouth, again.

‘Sam?’ You asked, incredulously. ‘Sam Winchester?’

The shorter one looked at Sam, looked at you, then back at Sam. ‘Dude, do you know who this is?’

Sam stiffened at hearing your voice, but answered his brother. ‘Dean, this is Y/N. We knew each other at Stanford.’

If it wasn’t for the fact that you were in so much pain and bleeding from who knows where, you would have unleashed the fury that washed over you on him.

‘Standford, huh?’ Dean asked rhetorically. ‘How did you end up in this line of work?’ That question wasn’t rhetorical though, since he was looking at you with an inquisitive gaze.

You chuckled bitterly. ‘I was raised as a hunter from an early age. My dad was a hunter, his dad before him. I decided one day that I didn’t want to do it anymore, so I went to school, thinking I could just forget about it all. I left behind my sister, but she liked hunting.’

You started to sway a little and you felt very sleepy all of a sudden.

Sam was at your side immediately, helping you back down to the floor.

‘Y/N, you’ve lost a lot of blood. You’re coming with Dean and I. We have a bunker just a few hours from here.’ Sam said.

‘No, no… I have my own car. I’ll just go and sit there for a little bit.’ You tried arguing with him, but you could barely get the words out.

‘Sammy, put her in the Impala. Y/N, you’re coming back with us. There’s no way we’re leaving you on your own.’ Dean declared.

‘Why not? Sam left me behind before, he’ll have no problem doing it again.’ You seethed with anger, but you knew deep down the boys were right.

Dean looked at Sam with a cocked eyebrow, but Sam shook his head in response. ‘We’ll talk about it later.’ He tried saying as quietly as he could. 

You held your head and groaned as Sam lifted you up and carried you out to the Impala. Sam fished for your keys in your pocket, and took off without a second glance towards the Mustang. Dean got in the driver’s seat, turned the car over, and the last thing you remembered was the purr of the engine under you. The soft lull of the drive helped you fall asleep, but your slumber was over all too soon it seemed as you heard the creak of one of the doors open. Sam was there again, his arms reaching out towards you. He cradled your groggy body close to his and you breathed him in. He carried you all the way into a spare bedroom and laid you down, pulling off your jacket and boots. You were out as soon as your head hit the pillow.

You spent the next two days at the bunker with Sam and Dean, but you barely spoke to Sam. Dean, on the other hand, trying prying information out of you like a cop interrogating a suspect. You didn’t give him anything, so he quickly became too frustrated and stopped asking all together. It was the third day there and you ran into Dean in the kitchen.

‘I’m going to head out tomorrow.’ You stated simply.

‘Are you sure? You can stay as long as you need to.’

‘I appreciate the offer Dean, but I’m good to go. I’m sore, but it’s nothing I haven’t dealt with before. I can finish healing out on the road.’

Dean looked at you for a moment and opened his mouth, but stopped. He did it again a moment later and began, ‘about you and Sam, Y/N, I-‘

‘Dean, stop.’ You cut him off. ‘I won’t talk about it. If he wants to tell you, that’s fine. But I don’t see the need to bring those skeletons out of the closet.’

He nodded, but you could tell he wanted to say more. Thankfully he kept his mouth shut and you walked back to your room. Later that night, you had a hard time sleeping, so you padded around the halls of the bunker. You didn’t get much of a chance to explore the massive structure, so maybe now would be your chance. However, a faint glow came from the colossal war room and you decided to investigate.

It was Sam.

He was sitting at one of the tables, a couple books and his laptop strewn across the table.

‘It’s as if I never left.’

His head snapped up and gave you a quizzical look. ‘What?’

‘We were studying the day I left. Now here you are, almost a decade later, with books and a computer in front of you still. It’s as if I never left.’ You walked towards to the table and leaned up against one of the book cases in front of Sam. He watched you like a hawk, not even blinking.

‘But you did leave, Y/N. You left me without any answers.’ He responded coldly.

‘I know.’ You didn’t know what else to say.

‘You left me and you wouldn’t even return any of my messages. I didn’t even know if you were alive!’ His anger came through in the tone of his voice and you winced, knowing you deserved his ire. ‘What the fuck happened that was so big you couldn’t even bother with letting me know what was going on?’

Dropping your eyes to the floor, you muttered, ‘Willa died. She died on my watch. I couldn’t handle it, so I checked out for a while.’

Sam was standing at this point, but he came around the side of the table and came to stop right in front of you.

‘I’m sorry.’ He expressed gently, the anger in his voice easing.

‘Sam, I never meant for things to end up like this. I came back to Stanford, you know.’ Looking up at the man in front of you, everything came tumbling out at once. ‘It was right before Halloween. I was walking to the apartment and right before I got there, I saw you with her. With the girl from the library.’

‘Jess.’ Sam whispered, shamefaced.

Hearing her name, you became angry. You pushed Sam, causing him to fumble backwards.

‘You kissed her, Sam! I saw you! I was only gone a couple months and you moved on!’ You were shouting now, becoming more incensed with each passing second.

Sam stood his ground. ‘What was I supposed to do? Like I said, you were gone! You left me and I was done waiting around for you to come back. I loved you, Y/N, but you didn’t love me!’

You had your hands on his arms, barely shaking his hulking frame. 

‘I did love you, Sam! I didn’t say it or show it, but I loved you just the same. Why do you think I came back? It’s because I loved you, you asshole!’

Sam clenched his jaw and raked his hand over his face. He stood there looking at you intensely one minute, and in the next he had pulled you flush against his heated body and kissed you with a blistering passion. You pulled away from him and glared, but you found yourself kissing him in return. A wildfire exploded between the two of you and Sam had you pinned against the bookshelf.

‘I’m having a bit of déjà vu here, Sam.’ You giggled seductively, thinking of how familiar this felt.

He didn’t even bother with a response, but instead began leaving a trail of open mouthed kisses from your neck to your jaw, and up to your ear, where he pulled gently on the lobe.

Arousal dampened between your legs and you didn’t want to waste another second. Sam sensed your urgency and you began ripping off each others clothes. Your camisole here, his t-shirt there. Pants were thrown behind the table and the two of you were left in your birthday suits.

‘Sam, I…’ you panted heavily, frantic from craving the man in front of you.

‘I know, Y/N. I know.’ He cut you off and closed the distance between the two of you, roughly grabbing your ass and picking you up. Instinctively you wrapped your legs around his lean torso and began to suck and nibble on the bare expanse of skin just under his jaw, leaving love bites in your wake.

Sam carried you to the table and laid you down softly, your back involuntarily shivering from the cooled oak beneath your skin. He shut his laptop and put in on the ground, and he shoved the books off the table. His eyes feasted upon your naked form and he became enraptured with need. 

‘Sam, please!’ You begged for his touch, you couldn’t go without it any longer.

Without further prompting, he shoved his hand between your legs and you bucked on the table as you felt two of his fingers penetrate your core. He twisted and curved his long digits, prepping you for his impressive length. He leaned forward and took one of your hardened nipples in his mouth, gently tugging on it with his teeth. You tangled your fingers in his long hair as he rolled your other nipple between his thumb and forefinger. Your hips started to ride his fingers and you let out a low moan from the sensation.

‘Shit Y/N, you’re so wet.’ He growled in your ear. You clenched yourself around his fingers in response, letting him know you were ready to be fucked.

He withdrew his fingers and lined himself up at your entrance. You watched him as he impaled you with one sudden thrust and you both groaned from the feeling. Pulling him closer to you, you sank your nails into his back and left marks from the nape of his neck down to the rise of his ass. Sam hissed, but you knew you were driving him on. He snapped his hips to yours and you swore you never felt him this deep inside of you before. The familiar tightening coiled low in your belly and you knew it was building at such a rapid pace that you would find your release soon. Sam’s thrusts became erratic and jerky, so you placed your hands around his face and kissed him senseless. Just as you suspected, your orgasm hit you and your cries were swallowed by the deepening kiss.

Sam broke the kiss and buried his head in the crook of your neck, and a couple thrusts later, he came hard inside of you, filling you with his hot seed.

The two of you were breathing heavily and clutching onto each other for dear life. You smiled at his touch, remembering what it is you had been wanting to tell him for the past nine years.

‘Sam Winchester, I love you. I love you with every part of who I am and there hasn’t been a day that has passed by that I haven’t thought of you. I want to be yours Sam, if you’ll still have me.’

He didn’t say anything at first and your body reacted negatively to his silence. You became tense, rigid with fear as you detected his obvious rejection. Instead, Sam squeezed you so tightly you could barely breathe. He kissed your forehead and softly sighed into your ear.

‘I’ll always have you, Y/N. No matter how many years go by, I’ll always have you.’

For the first time since that night so many years ago, you wept tears of happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone enjoyed this! Feedback is always appreciated, too! Come say hi on Tumblr at fangirlxfatale!

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first time writing Sam! EEK! What do you guys think??


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